by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
When a person is jealous, those feelings of jealousy can show up for a variety of reasons that may include other people's acquired items, their career success, their beauty, their money, their seemingly perfect relationship, their "beautiful" kids, or even their education. In essence it doesn't matter why you're feeling them, but you do need to understand and heal those feeling to grow in your relationships.
Jealousy can be a wake-up call. Let that call be ever changing to your life in a positive manner instead of letting your fears get the best of you. If you have this problem, know that many people like you have healed and eliminated those feelings from their lives.
Of course, in relationships, jealously can and will show up with partner in variety of ways and can ruin relationships rapidly. If you feel that jealousy is an all-encompassing obsession that could result in a relationship breakup, don't let it take over your life. Our relationship advice to overcome jealousy and enrich great relationships involves changing what you think and how you act in moments when those feelings overwhelm you.
Do something about it with the tips offered to begin to help you heal:
1. So you might ask yourself--"What am I really angry about?" or "What am I really fearful will happen?" Be with the answer that comes to you. Feel it and know that whether there is truth to those feelings or not, just allow them to be. If you sit long enough with jealousy, you'll probably find that anger and fear may resolve much quicker.
Take some time and get in touch with what you are feeling. Stop what you are doing when those jealous feelings come up and just sit and allow them to surface without judging them and without lashing out at someone else. Whether there is any truth to what you are feeling or not, allow your feelings to be there; you might find that underneath is anger and underneath the anger is fear.
2. Have the courage to face whatever is true. If there is truth to what you fear is happening, then create a plan to confront the problem with honesty. If there is no truth to your fears, then commit to yourself to change the "story" in your mind when those fears come up. At those times, remind yourself that you it's not the real truth.
If you are having suspicions, they may be true. Or you may be making up untrue stories when jealous feelings come up for you. The stories you tell yourself may have no basis of truth to them and may be experiences of the past or there may be truth to what you are telling yourself. No matter what's true and what isn't true, see the situation for what it really is...what is actually happening in this present moment that is real.
If the actions that you fear are actually happening, both you and your partner need to seek change in your behavior. If neither of you change or seem to change but don't, then you may need to decide if you want to continue your relationship. If you know that you are "reliving" or making up stories, realize they may be untrue. You can then decide whether to change your beliefs and/or how to react.
3. Move toward healing because those feelings don't go away until you deal with the issues, You can't blame others. You have to be committed to changing yourself.
Are your suspicions true or are you imagining untruths? The stories you tell yourself may have no basis of truth to them and may be residual feelings from your experiences of the past or there may be truth to what you are telling yourself.
No matter what's true and what isn't true, find out what's actually happening and what isn't. Make a change from there.
For a free mini-course on healing jealousy, visit www.jealousnomore.com.
